I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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