I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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