Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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