we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
