I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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