this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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