I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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