watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
