I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
