Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
People in love make me want to vomit
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
