Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
