Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize