I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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