also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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