I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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