God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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