I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
