dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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