just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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