I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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