I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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