Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Houston, we have a squirter
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
