omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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