i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
