I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
