It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
