forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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