I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He did a backflip because drugs
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