Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think your dad took our porno
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
