to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
