Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
