what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Threesome in a minivan. New low
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
