i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
