I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
