we're chasing vodka with high fives
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize