I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
