Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
