feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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