Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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