you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
