dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
