Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have fence marks all over my body
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
