I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
