Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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