i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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