Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize