Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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