I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
