I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
