I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
