i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
