Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
