Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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