thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
