i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
