so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
