school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
