shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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