it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
