maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
