I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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