"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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