when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
