the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
