you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
