she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I forget how to act sober
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
