i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
