we have pet lesbian snakes
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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