I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
