I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize