Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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