Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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